Because she was nothing without Prim
by Hades'littlecryokineticunicorn
Summary: Katniss reflects on her life since that crucial moment that caused this all. "I volunteer as tribute." Her life with Prim and all that happened after. Very sad and depressing. One-shot!


**Hi, I've never done a one-shot before and just felt I should give it a go. Please enjoy and read leisurely, I'd love a review but I know that people hardly ever give one thinking someone else will so I won't keep my hopes up.**

**Anyway, please feel free to read my other stories because they seem alright and others like them so you might for all you know.**

**I Do Not Own The Hunger Games!**

It had always been her duty, her only cause to protect Prim, she was all she had so she worked so hard to make sure she was all she ever needed. She went out and illegally hunted, something that could get her killed just to put food in her mouth. She tried to protect her from the dangerous world around her because their mother couldn't.

She had given up on blaming her mother for the state she was in, she understood. Her poor mother had lost everything, her husband was the love of her life, she had given up her comfy life in the town to live in the Seam. That showed the devotion she felt for love. But she had lost him.

Still, it made her bitter, twisted and hateful to know that at such a tender age she had had to become the parent meaning she hadn't ever had the peaceful childhood she was entitled to, though with the Reapings every year it wasn't peaceful like it would have been in the Capitol if she had lived there.

She tried to give her little duck the childhood she wasn't given, worked herself to the bone to bring a smile to that beautiful face, the only person she could love at that time because she couldn't let anyone else in, sure Gale was her best friend but Prim… Prim was everything.

She was beautiful in nature and soul, she made her life worth living because when Prim grew up she would be someone important, someone that would help others selflessly, you could tell as soon as she placed your eyes upon her small frame. Her presence was magnetic and you had to be close to her. And she was, she was close to Prim; as close as possible.

At 16 with so many tesserae in she knew her chances were awful, she was likely to go in and die but who would look after Prim? Their mother was unreliable, Gale was even more likely to enter so who was left? No one. If she died then Prim would also because this had become a bitter world were nobody looked after anyone else.

Walking to the Reaping and lying about how they wouldn't be picked was dreadful because their names were in the bowl, there WAS the possibility and she could do nothing about it. She couldn't remove their names, she couldn't protect them which was so hard on her because it was all she had ever done so taking a step back and letting chance decide their fate was nil on impossible.

Being placed in their divided areas had made keeping an eyes on Prim difficult but she could still see that little duck tail twitching about as she stepped side to side in a nervous coping mechanism. Her face was hidden to her but she knew that Prim would be scared, close to tears, filled with terror.

But she wouldn't be picked, she was in once, there had to be thousands more in there, some her own, so she was contented with the odds, still she felt once was still too many.

And she was right.

It had been, once was way too much, that single slip would cause her sister's death.

She hadn't realise for the first few seconds what had happened, only following the turn of heads towards the 12 year old section and feeling so much anger that a child would have to die for someone else's pleasure. But then that head of golden curls had appeared and that tiny duck tail had waddled out.

_Primrose Everdeen._

That was what had been said. That single name had signed her sister's death warrant.

It had always been her job to protect her sister but doing anything was suicide. But this was her sister, her only meaning left in life and she was being snatched away while she had to watch.

She croaked out her sister's name, it hurt to think what would happen to such an innocent soul, she couldn't fight or survive in such a cruel environment, she was as good as dead now.

She could not let that happen, so she surged forward to get to her little precious duck, fought to get to her, trying to get past the Peacekeepers that held her back while her sister stared at her with terror-filled eyes that contained the hope her sister would protect her from the world. Everyone watched in silence as the scene played out, none brave enough to speak out.

She couldn't let them take her, she was her world, all she had. _"Prim!"_ She couldn't protect Prim when she was in the Games, that was a death sentence so she did the only thing she could to save her beautiful, innocent death sentenced sister.

_"__I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!"_

There, she couldn't take that back now, Prim could not be entered into that brutal contest.

But she was going to die…

A prolonged silence filled the air as everyone digested what had just happened, what they had just heard which had never happened before. Because no one could love anyone as strongly as she loved her Primrose. It was like needing water, constant, desperate, reliant and so so vital.

Prim's eyes widened as she computed what had just happened, realised what had just been sacrificed for her….

Her life for Prim's.

Prim is ripped away from her quickly after she fights to cling on to her arms but Gale helps, he drags her away to safety so she can walk to her death without her little sister making it more difficult. She doesn't want to cry in front of Prim, it will show her that she already knows she is going to die.

Prim wouldn't cope with that.

Her feet drag as she scuffles her way up to the stage, silence following her, bitterly hung in the air as she trudges her way up. Her life was over now but at least Prim's could begin.

Because Katniss would do anything for Prim.

Stepping out of the train to return to District 12 was so much easier than leaving she thought glumly. She was mesmerised by the amount of people that had come to welcome her and Peeta back but there was only one person she wanted to see, one person that had caused this all but she couldn't believe that she was returning to her, that she could look upon her again.

There she was.

Sat atop Gale's high shoulders waving at her, looking bigger than she used to be but then they had been separated such a long time that she had grown at least 2 inches. Her blond hair neatly plaited in two distinct directions, a smile wide on her beautiful face. She wanted to run through the crowds, barge them aside, kick and scream to get to her, to get to her Prim.

Time passed, weeks and months came and went but they stayed together happy in their new home, even after President Snow's warning, after Peeta realising she didn't love him like he loved her. Gale confessing his love and Haymitch going back to the bottle with vengeance.

But they were together, her and Prim, she had fought for that, she had killed for that…

Those innocent lives she had stolen to get back to her little duck, the children she had murdered and the ones that had died for her to win that blasted Games, she couldn't close her eyes without seeing their faces. Cato, Clove, Marvel, Glimmer, Foxface, Thresh… Rue.

Rue.

Who had reminded her so much of Prim, in nature and in kindness and that beautiful innocence that death could not snatch away. But she had been snatched away from the world so she could win and return to her own innocent child. Her Primrose.

That was agony, seeing that child die and thinking Thank God, that could have been Prim. That was what made the death so much more traumatic, knowing she had died but being thankful that it was her not anyone else.

She had been just a child.

Prim couldn't understand the suffering she went through each time she looked at her, to be reminded of what she saw, what she felt. But it had been worth it, so worth it to see her again, to see her eat healthily and enjoy life like she never could.

Because Katniss would give anything for Prim.

She had had to return to the Games, fight adults this time and kill men and women who thought they had won but the only winners were those that died, they escaped the horrors of life and endless time. There were no winners in reality. The Games never ended.

She had thought that this time she would die and leave Prim behind, that this was it, the end that she thought should have got her in the last Games.

But she made allies, killed again because she couldn't leave Prim behind.

Prim wouldn't cope to lose her after all they had been through. She couldn't lose Prim after all they had been through, all she had done because then it wouldn't be worth it.

The misery she had gone through, the self-hate and self-destruction would be worthless if Prim lost her because she couldn't cope.

When they had escaped, looking at the inside of the room she was in and not seeing Prim nearly broke her, if they were here then where was Prim? When Gale said she was safe back in District 13 she couldn't compute that, how could she safe when a civil war was underway? How could anyone be safe?

Their home was gone.

Destroyed.

But Prim wasn't. That was all she had to look forward to, seeing her smile again because it seemed like now all she knew was suffering. Prim was her shooting star in the darkness, her beam of light shining the way to purity.

Their home in Thirteen was less than ideal, bare and bland but she was there, eating and learning, enjoying life the best she could because she had been given a second chance.

Because Katniss had traded ever part of herself for Prim.

Losing Finnick, her comrade, friend gave her life a sudden retrospect. They had common ground; they were willing to do anything to protect the one's they loved, their honour, their pride, their respect and even their lives meant nothing compared to their designated loved one.

They had something in common not many in this world had. But he was gone. Just like that.

The Capitol's whore, someone they loved was easily expendable, someone they had cherished had been massacred at the drop of a hat. What did that mean for a 13 year old girl from District Twelve? How expendable was Prim to these brutes? Because to her, Prim was the opposite of the word.

But Prim was safe in that whole hole in the ground in Thirteen that didn't have real sunlight and had a musky odour that constantly filled your nose. She was at school or helping their mother sort supplies. She was enjoying learning how to be a medic, completely different to her older sister she could look at nakedness with a professionalism and help bad people in the blink of an eye because she didn't have vendettas and a spitefulness that belonged to her older sibling.

What would she tell Annie? Poor crazy Annie who had just lost the love of her life, her husband and best friend… What if she died? What would they tell Primrose? Who would tell her because Finnick, her friend was gone and no one else would put her in a good light, Peeta despised her very existence.

Peeta. The boy with the bread. The boy who had been in love with her for forever and should have been for the rest of their lives. That innocent bleeding soul that had been twisted most likely beyond repair to form this hateful creature.

Haymitch had once told her_ "You could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve him."_

He was right, she had been the darkness to his light but now they were alike in that aspect and he could finally see the bleakness inside her he had been blinded to before. He was not naïve now, his eyes were finally open to the horror she was. But still she would never deserve him, he had been, could still be the most brilliant and caring man she would ever meet.

It could take thousands of lifetimes before she was deserving of Peeta but she would never be deserving of Prim. But she could never lose her.

Because Katniss was nothing without Prim.

That ducktail was visible as it waddled around the injured children, those golden locks glimmering angelically around the haloed face.

What was she doing here?

What on Earth was she doing here in this warzone!?

She started running through the gunfire and death to that little duck, to her Prim, remembering what Gale and Beetee had prepared all of a sudden.

Her legs strained as she forced them to move quicker, pushed them beyond their limit.

She wasn't quick enough.

Years later, in her dreams she still would never be quick enough. Everyday was a struggle to live through.

Because Katniss had lost Prim.

She had always hated that ugly mutt of a cat. Looking at it now with its mangled fur and bloodied injuries she felt she had a lot in common with him, while she had returned to District Twelve to mourn and remember her sister, Buttercup, mangy gangly Buttercup had thought he was returning to his Primrose.

They both loved her.

That was enough in common for her to both despise and adore that cat.

_"__She's dead, you stupid cat. She's dead!"_

He decided then that all he had left of Prim was her, so by staying and protecting her he was doing it in honour of his best friend. She was close enough like Prim to give him comfort.

She fixed him up and loved him for once in her life because he was Prim's and if he was Prim's then he must be good, spectacular. She thought he though exactly the same about her.

Over time he would grow older and then she would have nothing left of her beautiful, loving and passionate but dead little sister. Then she would be alone.

But now, sat with him on her lap she didn't feel so lonely, she felt connected to Prim.

Because Buttercup was all Katniss had of Prim.

Fin.

Hope you enjoyed that, feel free to leave a review if you can unless you have been too depressed to do so.

Thanks.


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